Thursday, November 10, 2016
Monday, November 7, 2016
Luckily, just as that little bit of sadness started creeping in while the first horny couple fumbled out of their clothes – and I started to think, “Oh God, I miss her… if only we had one more night together… one romantic night in the woods… [choke, sob]… one more night to prove — Oh Snap!” Disembowelment mid-coitus!
Seeing these couples getting slaughtered in the midst of passion was actually lifting my spirits. “Maybe,” I thought, “just maybe my ex and her new lover will be massacred before he gets a chance to make her cum, too.” A man can hope – and that is the mark of a good film – it gives the watcher a sense of fulfillment. In that regard, “Don’t Fuck in the Woods” is a smashing success.
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Thursday, December 3, 2015
What’s in a name? For our lead protagonist, the one thing she can’t remember about the man she loved, a man who died violently from an outbreak that decimated the human race, is his name. All the memories of shared laughs, tears, and lust are there — but why can she not just remember his name?
The irony of this short film, directed by Jeremy M. Brown, is that neither the man or the woman who are the focus of this story, have a name. They are credited neatly as “Woman” and “Man”. But as Woman continues to dwell over emotional memories of what love and life were like before the end of mankind, which has left her stranded and alone in a desolate world, she struggles to remember just that one last detail: what was his name?
Promoted as a mockumentary of the seedy underbelly of the condiment industry, The Mayo Conspiracy highlights the cartel referred to as “Big Mayo” and their grip on America’s condiment usage. How much power could Big Mayo hold over the public? If you believe the facts revealed in this film, Big Mayo had hands in some of the biggest events in American history, from the JFK Assassination, to the CIA’s clandestine attack on the ghettos, to the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky scandal, and the most recent controversy over the newly passed Affordable Care Act promoted by President Obama.
The white devil’s condiment is just one tool wielded by the condiment establishment to keep control over the populace, but it’s unobtrusive nature makes it one of the most powerful. The typical citizen may not have any idea how ingrained in our society mayo has become, and while this film is satirical in nature, this reviewer believes that the filmmakers have used their jokes to hide some disturbing facts in a way that gets the word out to investigative viewers while protecting themselves from the mayo cartel’s vengeance.
Sunday, October 4, 2015
I know what you’re thinking already, yes “The Throbbit” is a “re-imagining” of “The Hobbit”, but definitely not the XXX version I originally thought by the title. This feature-length spoof film just barely ranks around a PG-13. It contains a good bit of adult humor, but in the way of innuendos and word-play rather than anything explicit.
Now, I may not be the best reviewer to write about a film that spoofs a trilogy (I only saw the first and fell asleep mid-way) which itself is based on a classic book (that I haven’t read). My apologies if I miss glaringly obvious references to the original material (either Tolkien or Jackson). What I can appreciate, though, is the grand set design, costuming, puppetry, and for the micro-budget fan film that this is, the achievements in special effects and camerawork that were able to pull the audience into just as magical of worlds as the Peter Jackson films (I did see the trailers at least, as well as the LOR Trilogy).
Director Timothy Alan Richardson did not have the production team and post-production studios that Peter Jackson did, however he still manages to bring Dweebs, Gooblins (more than just goblins), a David Bowie inspired Gooblin King, flying beagles, a nation of Elfises in a Las Vegas style Rippendell, and a drag(on) queen to life.
Monday, September 14, 2015
* Finally, a Faith-Based Christian Film with some meat to it! *
“The Jersey Devil” plays fast and loose with the details of any particular biblical source, but that doesn’t make this film any less worthy as a spiritual guide to help viewers on a path towards an afterlife without all the guilt associated with following any moral code.
Starring Jack Mulcahy as Lucifer and Keith Collins as James Burnett, the demented soul who is recruited to take over the reigns of Hell from Lucifer so that he can retire and enjoy himself a little bit. Along for the ride is Richard (Edvin Ortega), a recently lost soul with a crippling porn addiction and no backbone who James recruits to be his new Devil’s Advocate. Once Lucifer hands over the keys to the kingdom below, James’ first order of business is to relocate Hell to somewhere new and put a “fresh face” on Hell to entice more souls. His choice? Jersey City, NJ. Lucifer instantly regrets his decision to retire, and follows the new Satan to drag him back to the original Hell.